carrotcatmd:

STORY:

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. 

I have a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure with the $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about irritating anyone for trying to break a $50 bill. 

Me: ‘Hi, I’d like one seven-layer burrito please, to go.’ Server: ‘That’ll be $1.04. Eat in?’ 
Me: ‘No, it’s to go.’ At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. 
Server: ‘Uh, hang on a sec, I’ll be right back.’ He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot.

The following conversation occurs between the two of them:

Server: ‘Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?’ 
Manager: ‘No. A what?’ 
Server: ‘A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me…’ 
Manager: ‘Ask for something else. There’s no such thing as a $2 bill.’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, thought so.’ 

He comes back to me and says, ‘We don’t take these.

Do you have anything else?’ 

Me: ‘Just this fifty. You don’t take $2 bills? Why? 
Server: ‘I don’t know.’ 
Me: ‘See here where it says legal tender?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah.’ 
Me: ‘So, why won’t you take it?’ 
Server: ‘Well, hang on a sec.’ 

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I’m a shoplifter, and says to him, ‘He says I have to take it.’

Manager: ‘Doesn’t he have anything else?’ 
Server: ‘Yeah, a fifty. I’ll get it and you can open the safe and get change. 
Manager: ‘I’m not opening the safe with him in here.’ 
Server: ‘What should I do?’ 
Manager: ‘Tell him to come back later when he has real money.’ 
Server: ‘I can’t tell him that! You tell him.’ 
Manager: ‘Just tell him.’ 
Server: ‘No way! This is weird. I’m going in back. 

The manager approaches me and says, ‘I’m sorry, but we don’t take big bills this time of night.’

Me: ‘It’s only seven o’clock! Well then, here’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Manager: ‘We don’t take those, either.’ 
Me: ‘Why not?’ 
Manager: ‘I think you know why.’ 
Me: ‘No really, tell me why.’ 
Manager ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘Excuse me?’ 
Manager: ‘Please leave before I call mall security.’ 
Me: ‘What on earth for?’ 
Manager: ‘Please, sir..’ 
Me: ‘Uh, go ahead, call them.’ 
Manager: ‘Would you please just leave?’ 
Me: ‘No.’ 
Manager: ‘Fine — have it your way then.’ 
Me: ‘Hey, that’s Burger King, isn’t it?’ 

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect.

A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. 

Guard: ‘Yeah, Mike, what’s up?’ 
Manager (whispering): ‘This guy is trying to give me some (pause) funny money.’ 
Guard: ‘No kidding! What?’ 
Manager: ‘Get this. A two dollar bill.’ 
Guard (incredulous): ‘Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager: ‘I don’t know. He’s kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty.’ 
Guard: ‘Oh, so the fifty’s fake!’ 
Manager: ‘No, the two dollar bill is.’ 
Guard: ‘Why would he fake a two dollar bill?’ 
Manager : ‘I don’t know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah.’


Security Guard walks over to me and……

Guard: ‘Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you’re trying to use.’ 
Me: ‘Uh, no.’ 
Guard: ‘Lemme see ‘em.’ 
Me: ‘Why?’ 
Guard: ‘Do you want me to get the cops in here?’ 

At this point I’m ready to say, ‘Sure, please!’ but I want to eat, so I say, ‘I’m just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill. I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I’m taking a swing at him. He takes the bill turns it over a few times in his hands, and he says, 

Guard: ‘Hey, Mike, what’s wrong with this bill?’ 
Manager: ‘It’s fake.’ 
Guard: ‘It doesn’t look fake to me.’ 
Manager: ‘But it’s a two dollar bill.’ 
Guard: ‘Yeah? ‘ 
Manager: ‘Well, there’s no such thing, is there?’ 

The security guard and I both look at him like he’s an idiot and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue and is an idiot. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. 

constantine:

Need an exorcism conducted? Call a Master Petty Dabbler of the Dark Arts.

404-248-7182

Filed Under
constantine,

lieutenantfish:

savagelyaverage:

tetra-cube:

http://www.reddit.com/r/gamergate/ this is what I did

legendary

it took me a while to get it because I didn’t want to click on anything lmao

truezodiacfact:

We’re adults and we get to decide what that means: The Home Depot Edition

miseriathome:

blue-eyed-skeleton:

pixiiebutt:

because-blackgirls-duh:

linrenzo:

onlyblackgirl:

efecte:

sagaltesfaye:

onlyblackgirl:

I love my First Lady

Can you please tell her to tell her husband to stop killing muslims? Thanks

literally all she does is try to make the country “healthy” by giving students shitty school lunches like please do something else and help your husband fix the economy! *goes awf*

Imma need y’all to learn how the United States Government works. You don’t have to like her or the president but learn that they do not makes the decisions, they really do not have very much power, the president does not have the power to just snap his fingers and make shit happen or change things. You have to have 2/3 vote from congress to take a shit, let alone do anything having to do with government. The entire government was set up to make sure that exact thing could never happen, that is why there are 3 branches and that little thing called checks and balances.

In fact let me just break this down for y’all right here. 

  • President has 2 OFFICIAL jobs, Commander and Chief of the Armed Forces, but he only controls a limited amount of the funding for those troops (enough for 90 to 120 days) to engage these troops in combat. He CANNOT just declare war. only congress can declare war. The second, Accountant over the Federal Budget. 
  • He also is responsible for creating and balancing the national budget, but everything has to be approved by congress with a 2/3 vote. 
  • He signs bills into law, can veto them as well, however congress can override his veto. 
  • He assigns judges to the Supreme court, with the senates approval. 
  • He assigns foreign ambassadors, with the senates approval. 
  • he creates his own cabinet for people to research into areas that he might not have the time to, these are the only people who do not have to get approval from senate
  • congress is made up of 535 people (100 senators 435 HoR) for any of them to come to 1 agreement has only happened once in the history of this country, and that was to go into WWII, and even that the house voted 434 to one (1st woman house of Representative she was from Maine too, she voted against WW1 and 2)  and the judicial branch can call anything unconstitutional and kill it as well. 

and if you think i’m lying you can literally google this shit in 2 seconds. 

That tea is delicious

SAY THAT SHIT AGAIN! 

I would love for people to remember this when they want to start blaming the president. Any president, though not all of them have had good ideas.

lemme get in here a sec.

The President needs a 2/3 vote in Congress to get practically anything done, right? Well currently, the 133th US Congress is split with 53 Democratic senators and 45 Republican senators and 201 Democratic representatives and 234 Republican representatives. That makes a pretty even split between the two major political parties. Ever since President Obama was elected into office, the Republicans have voted down every piece of legislation he’s attempted to pass, in an effort to pin him as the worst president in American history, so that they can go back to their white-washed elitist lives and keep all their hoarded money from the people. The President has been doing everything he can to change things, but he cannot do that without the approval of Congress. Remember that week-long shutdown we had? Yeah, that was because the Republicans weren’t getting exactly their way with the budget, so they decided to shut down the whole goddamn government until they got their way. The United States Government relies on compromise and agreement between the two parties, and we’re seriously lacking right now in that department.

So if you want to blame someone for our country’s issues, blame the goddamn Republicans for acting like tantrum-throwing two year olds.

Not only that, but Michelle Obama is actually trying to do a good thing for children. God forbid children are healthy. It’s not her fault that schools are cheap as shit and serve cardboard food because they will do everything in their power to find loopholes in nutritional regulations. In a lot of places, food HAS gotten better because of her activism. And guess what? Even if she WEREN’T promoting good eating habits, schools would still serve cardboard food. Plus, but she’s not just about eating healthy in schools—she want ALL children to eat well ALL THE TIME and just BE HEALTHY in general. That’s why she does all that Disney Channel stuff. She’s trying to inspire people and make a difference. And you’re sitting at home rambling “fix the economy” as if it’s a brand new idea and you’ve just come up with it.

Plus that’s not “all she does.” Our first lady is an incredible human being; she does community service, supports veterans, visits schools, and promotes human rights, ALL THE WHILE BEING A MOTHER, A NATIONAL ICON, AND SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMAN. She’s so much more than her husband’s wife and not everything she does is about politics… and yet here you are spewing this “do something else and help your husband fix the economy” bullshit, you sexist fuck. Michelle Obama has done more than you ever will so sit down and let the woman vine if she wants to.

kadrey:

Ink wash Xenomorphs

Filed Under
art,

amouria:

"As a Polynesian, our gods are tied to water, so this means something special" (x)

"I’d love to be behind the camera but I love that I can do a small artistic TV show, or save the universe!" (x)

"I can’t imagine you in the green aquaman shorts," "Try! They’d match my eyes" smolders (x)

It just means a lot that Jason Momoa is going to play Aquaman

Filed Under
aquaman,

soaprah-winfrey:

today one of my teachers called on a really quiet girl and the class was silent then you heard her whisper “i have the bravery of a chicken nugget please dont” and i couldnt stop laughing

gracefully-found:

crydaisy:

Oh cool a sKY DEMON AWAKENS

This is one of the coolest pictures I have ever seen.
Filed Under
cthulhu,
Track: the SKELETON MAN

fait-hunter:

booeater:

MY ULTIMATE CREATION

i never get tired of this fucking audio post